Fear
by TheDcComicsNerd
Summary: Fear. It's something that's a constant in his life, whether it be in the back of his mind or front and center, it's always there.


**A/N: This was written for the Newsies Pape Selling Competition**

 **So, uh... my writing has gotten really cruddy, to say the least. Please excuse my lack of skills. I haven't written any stories for a while. Whoops**

 ** _Task Used: Number Card, Write about a time when something or someone is either a large part of the main character's life, or a small part, and how the character copes with this abundance or scarcity._**

 ** _Prompts Used: (restriction) no names, (word) anger, (color) blue_**

 **Word count: 886**

* * *

Fear. It's something that's a constant in his life, whether it be in the back of his mind or front and center, it's always there. He's most definitely not proud of it, he hates being afraid. Afraid of being thrown in the darkness of the Refuge again, afraid of admitting to himself that he loves the boy with those sparkling blue eyes, afraid that his father is going to find him one day, afraid that something will happen to his boys, afraid that his anger is going to overcome him and be taken out on someone he loves…

Ever since he was young, fear has always been a present force. For as long as he can remember, he's been a victim of his fearful conscience. It's something that's been hanging over him for years. Back in his childhood days, he had no idea how to cope with it and because of this, it nearly consumed him every day. However, as he grew older, he began figuring out ways to deal with the seemingly everlasting fear that stuck to him like glue. One day, after finding a dime novel on the grimy New York street, he began to form a picture like the one on the front of it in his head. Soon, he had put in his head the fantasy of a beautiful place out West where there was nothing to worry about and nothing to be afraid of with air so clean it could cure any disease and a desert horizon stretching so far and wide that there were sure to be endless opportunities to offer a young teen choked by the city. That fantasy stuck with him that fateful day and it still sticks with him now. It's a fantasy that he clings to when all his fears start to take over his mind. He just starts rambling on about Santa Fe and it's all okay, at least for a little while. But perhaps the thing that helps him cope with his fear the most is the boys. Not just the boys themselves - although their joking around and trying to cheer him up when they sense he's upset does help a bit - but being their leader and primary caretaker. The boys look up to him so he has to set a good example for them all, as well as constantly look out for them, make sure they are taking care of themselves, and make sure they don't have any run-ins with the dreaded brothers or the bulls. With all these responsibilities acting as distractions, it makes it hard for him to find time to think too much about his fears so he can live somewhat normally for the day. For him, this works out quite nicely. During the day, he's distracted enough where he can't think about anything else and at night, after everyone else has gone to bed, he can dream about his escape place out West, Santa Fe, and be relatively safe from his fears. Of course, this doesn't always work, sometimes there's just no way to escape his fears and on those days, the boys know to let their leader be alone in his spot on the roof as one of his fears is not being a strong, fearless leader for his boys and if the boys saw him like that, he would be crushed. However, ever since the strike, these days have become fewer and far between. He knows that the boys will be able to get their money back if they don't sell all their papers, giving them a cushion to fall back on, if needed. This, combined with the fact that the some certain trouble-causing individuals haven't been hanging around as much, lifts some of the weight off his chest. He knows that while this doesn't mean the boys are completely safe, he takes comfort in knowing that they are still safer than they were before and he has less fears now than he once had. The boys make sure to spend as much time with their leader as possible for they know that the distraction does him some good and they want nothing more than for their leader to be happy and give him a break from the fear that plagues him. If it weren't for the boys, he would probably be a mess everyday, huddled in the corner and attempting to soothe himself with thoughts of Santa Fe. He knows this and so he is forever grateful to the boys. It's because of them that he is able to cope with this abundance of fear.

Fear. It's something that's a constant in his life, whether it be in the back of his mind or front and center, it's always there. He's most definitely not proud of it, he hates being afraid. He knows that he'll never be truly rid of it and it will always be a present force in his life. However, he also knows that if he keeps on like he has, finding ways to distract himself from his fearful conscience, he'll be able to cope with it and perhaps, one day, be able to forget that it's even there. Until then, he has his boys and Santa Fe to help him with his troubled thoughts and that's good enough for him.


End file.
